Reflecting on How I See Things

Hello everyone and welcome back to Join The ME Project. Also, let me extend my welcome to the first day of December. I mentioned it on my Instagram, but I really feel like this year went by fast. And you know, something about this month gets me in a mood of reflection. That’s what I’m going to be talking about in this post.

Tomorrow, I have my 12-week check-up with the surgeon that did my hip. And it’s made me reflect on what’s happened since that initial day in September. I’m still really happy with my decision to have surgery because it got rid of a lot of my pain.

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I just feel a bit bittersweet. I know I’m not physically where I need to be 12 weeks out. Although some aspects of this have been simply out of my hands. This wasn’t my first surgery by any means, but it was the one I had the most issues with. 

My family and I have dealt with the insurance, the surgeon, and physical therapy because there have been issues. And then these issues cause delays. It seems like an exhausting wheel of rotation without progress.

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Rather than focusing on what was only frustrating, I decided to turn my attention outwards. And I realized that I had so much to be grateful for. My mom and sister have been so helpful and loving. Our friends have shown that they care as much as possible.

I’ve discussed it a bit in, The Illusion Of Social Media. After turning my attention outwards, I had to focus back on myself. I didn’t have a negative attitude, I was grateful for who I had in my life, but there was a disconnect within me.

How I viewed myself and how I viewed my health was separate from each other. And I know what the catalyst was. Prior to my surgery, we discussed with the doctor about how everything would go. And he was pretty optimistic that I would have little to no issue.

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Through most of my healing process, I used crutches. And I thought they were a temporary solution. Then my doctor prescribed a cane and I realized my thinking was wrong. I was applying the word ”temporary” to not just the crutches but my health as a whole.

The way I viewed my whole situation was skewed. I was hiding my denial of the situation behind this wall of false acceptance. I had to take a step back and reevaluate it all. By combining those two sides of myself again, I could see that I put too much merit in this surgery.

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I can say now that I no longer have that issue but it took me a while. I had to really dig through layers of myself to get to the root of the issue. And I think that’s important for everyone to do when it comes to physical, emotional, and mental health.

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My problem was that I never buried the image that I had of myself. And where and who I am is not who I thought I would be. And in some ways, that is actually a really good thing.

So as I sit and finish writing this post, my cane is resting right beside me. Not long ago, it was the catalyst for a much-needed self-evaluation. How do I feel now? Motivated. Encouraged. And I hope that I can help someone else by simply reading this.

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